The different parts of 'Me'

We usually assume that 'I' ‘me’ and 'myself' are the same thing. So, in the example it seems like the 'I' is angry with the 'myself' for having shouted at the children. Diagnostically, we would say that one part of me is angry with another part of me. The implication here is that the 'myself' should not have acted in this way. We might then ask the question, "Where was the 'I' when the shouting was happening"? It certainly sounds as if  the 'I' is coming in after the fact and criticising the 'myself'. This is usually a mechanism, or internal behaviour aimed at changing external behaviour in order to get a different result next time. Seen in this context, the behaviour begins to make a little more sense.

One part (of your 'self') is attempting to change behaviour in another part (of your 'self') using anger as an energy source. When translated into behaviour, this usually ends up as various forms of verbal or physical intimidation. In this case, one part that shouts "You shouldn't have shouted at the kids again" to another part internally, in order to intimidate it into not doing it again.

We are not born using intimidation in order to attempt to bring about behaviour change in another, but this method is very often used by parents or carers in relationship to children. This helps us with some 'best guesses' in terms of where to look in our 'dreaming process' files (that which are usually called 'memories')

 Let's attempt to follow these symptoms (signals) like a holistic doctor who, ideally, would follow the pain to the part of the being where the trauma (anger/disturbance) is, and based on their best guess, will attempt to offer whatever healing is required.

When dealing with inner conflicts it is important to understand the mechanics of the inner process. The self (I, me, myself) is the sum of many different parts. In the same way that a car is called a car even though it is actually the sum of many different parts. So, let's get under the bonnet of our 'self' in order to bring some healing to this pain.

In some ways, we operate in a binary (one or the other) fashion. We are either in cruising/expression mode - comfortable enough to express that which is desired to be expressed, or  survival/protection mode - not comfortable enough to express that which is desired to be expressed for fear of some form of perceived consequence that feels unsurvivable.

The key to understanding this is that there are three distinct parts of us that are involved with the inner process when we get triggered by something that disturbs our present moment adult state of being. One part has to do with self-expression and the sadness when that is not given permission and encouragement to be expressed. The other two parts have to do with survival/protection, fight (anger/intimidation) and flight (fear/paralysis) internal dynamics. The most common process being one where the (fight) angry/intimidating part intimidates the part that would want to express itself  into paralysis in order to comply with a sense of early childhood perceived sense of non-survival.

Hence, a conflict arises between the wellbeing experienced when you are able to express yourself freely, and the perceived need to sacrifice freedom of expression for the sake of survival. Fortunately, most of us have very few actual threats to our survival as adults, which is why most of these moments of disturbance are considered healing trying to happen.